first let me express my sincere appreciation for the many kind comments, emails, and even cards that i received after my last post. i am genuinely touched by such outpouring of affection, and even though i have not responded to all of you yet, please know that your messages brought me a lot of comfort and i do appreciate the time and effort so many people took to reach out to me at a very difficult time.
there has been some crafting going on here, but mainly i've been staying out of the sewing room and off the internet. i had a WONDERFUL visit from my parents last week, which i'll write about in a few days--and i've been puttering around the house and best of all hanging out with rudi and ella. that was the best part of all--spending HOURS with my sweet baby girl, reading books and watching TV and feeding each other popcorn and doing make-ahvers and laughing and and milt-siding and basically just BEING. spending HOURS just sitting on the couch with my dear husband, talking about things that matter to us, talking about things that don't matter but are fun to talk about anyway, talking about dreams, talking about memories, sitting close, holding hands, snuggling tight and just BEING.
it has been so long since i have made time to just BE.
i thought when i decided to take an internet break that i would find myself missing the many online communities i participated in, and at first i did, but not much. and i wondered why not--i usually checked in with these communities several times a day--these were my friends--why didn't i miss them???
i spent a lot of time in contemplation of this, and what i discovered was that i was a member of these communities for all the wrong reasons. i realized that instead of being a contributor to these communities, i had slowly let myself fall into the trap of craving the popularity i had gained--becoming, in the words of one commenter, a "minor celebrity" within communities that i had originally joined because i was INSPIRED by what i saw there. my "participation" had become limited to only those things that i knew would make me more popular, more conspicuous, more "important" to the community.
this is not who i want to be. or more precisely, the character traits that make me crave that kind of attention are not the ones i want to cultivate.
i'm very thankful for this revelation. i am thankful to know that i really do have space in my life to ENJOY the great blessings i have been given in rudi and ella. it's time to put this gift to good use.
i've decided to withdraw from those communities (forums, email lists, etc), maybe for just a while, but maybe permanently. i have a little unfinished business at craftster to take care of--specifically, i have one swap obligation to complete (my deepest apologies to my swap coordinator and swap recipient--i plan for my package to be on its way sometime this week) and i have a little project to finish for the many brilliant craftsters who ran off and proved that anybody can be gorgeous in an infinity dress.
there are several other forums where i will no longer be present. i'm telling this here because i know from past experience that if i "disappear", at some point someone will decide that something horrible has happened to me, which will be followed by an onslaught of concerned emails, letters, and phone calls from people who truly are worried about me.
please know that i am ok--i won't really be "gone"--i'll just be more centrally located. :) and hopefully, i'll be more centered as well.